


Got All This Love, Can't Waste It On Another

by Blackparade



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, BAMF Bucky Barnes, BAMF Clint Barton, BAMF Everyone pretty much, BAMF Natasha Romanov, BAMF Sam Wilson, BAMF Steve Rogers, Cap Squad, Deja Vu, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Pining, bad memories, lots of fluff, so much pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 18:58:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4716881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackparade/pseuds/Blackparade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve recalls the events and help from his friends, and surprisingly Hydra, that lead to him confessing his love to Bucky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Got All This Love, Can't Waste It On Another

Steve woke up early, the first rays of sunlight just hitting the carpet. He made to move, but found that he was pinned underneath a head of unruly brown hair. The smile he was wearing seemed to fill his face. After seventy years of ice, torture, sorrow, aliens, robots, more aliens, more robots, and such pointless pining, he finally had HIS Bucky in every way he had always wanted him. 

Bucky's memories came back very slowly, and sometimes it took all he had not to abandon the efforts. He never did though. When Steve looked at him, he was reminded of how much he had already put the other man through. He found however, that some parts of him had never faded. The Bucky that couldn't help but tend to Steve's wounds after every fight. The Bucky that had to bodily halt Steve from jumping out of planes without a parachute, or scaling buildings with no harness, or taking on combatants without back-up, or making sure he always grabbed a jacket when it was cold outside because "I spent far too long tending to you with a cold, Steve." But more than that, he never forgot Steve. Even on his worst days, he always could latch on to the memories he had of the scrawny punk who was the most self-sacrificing idiot he had ever met. 

*****************

They had been on a mission in Norway when everything came to a climax. A small terrorist cell was attacking Shield operatives running ammunition and supplies along a railway in the northernmost reaches of the country, and selling the cargo they could get their hands on to a militant lunatic in Somalia, and just generally making everyone's lives very difficult, so the 'Cap Squad' as Sam had so endearingly named them, with the help of Clint had laid out a very straightforward plan to stop them just as they were ready to strike again. The railroad hit a patch of dense forest in an isolated stretch of countryside along the coast of the Barents Sea. Commander Hill had sent them convincing audio of a radio exchange that had the group planning to strike the train as it passed through this area. 

The strategic aspect of the mission was what made these five the most qualified for the job. Sam was to be flying above, making sure that any stragglers riding the roof of the train wouldn't get wind that their mission had been compromised. Natasha and Clint would be waiting for the core group of attackers to force their way into the main car. Steve and Bucky would then guard the faux cargo and wait for the splinter group of men that would come for their reward. It was the ensemble's modus operandi. 

The crew found themselves standing around in civvies in the freezing cold of the early morning, with the exception of Sam, who had already went ahead to take up his position.

"We need code names," Clint threw out into the early morning air.  
Each of his teammates looked at him with hesitant expectation.  
"I'll be Thunderbird. Or Top Gun, whichever you guys prefer."  
Nat let out a small laugh at that, "Shouldn't Sam be Top Gun?"  
"Screw Sam."  
She should have expected that.  
Clint didn't hesitate to add, "he already stole all the good names on Twitter and Instagram. We'll refer to him as Titmouse."  
Steve laughed in spite of himself. He could already picture the expression on Wilson's face when he finds out, which will be very shortly, as Bucky is already typing away a text to their winged pal.  
"Tasha will be Arachnophobia." He gave her a small glance, but she seemed to be only mildly engaged in the conversation at this point, until without thinking, Clint added,  
"Barnes is 'If I had to choose a dude."  
Everyone fell silent at that, until Bucky let out the most incredulous snort ever, and a huge grin plastered his face.  
"Barton, I'm flattered!"  
"Sniper Bros all the way, James."  
Steve couldn't help but smile at that. He couldn't ever help the overwhelming warmth that spread through his body when Bucky smiled like that. It reminded him of their youth. He could get lost in that smile. These emotions weren't new. They had been there since he was twelve years old. He could just never muster up the courage to do anything about it. Even when Peggy came along, she simply found her own place in Steve's heart that had until that point only been filled with his love for his best friend. If she were here right now, she would tell him to nut up and confess.  
He was pulled from his thoughts when Clint added, "Steve is God Bless America."  
Bucky very lowly added, "You got that right."  
"What was that Buck?"  
Steve didn't get his answer however, because the train had just pulled up, and they all had to rush to board it.  
They were sat for all of five minutes, when Clint whisked Bucky off to the back of the locomotive to find a pool table.

"He's such a child." Nat said, not very much hiding the endearment in her voice.  
Steve's eyes followed the two men as they exited the passenger car. He turned back to Natasha, who was smiling at him. He knew that look. It was her thinking she understood the complexities of every thought Steve was running through his head at any given time.  
"Seventy years is an awful long time to still be in the pining stage, Steven."  
"Nat, I love you, but I would rather not have this conversation right now."  
"You can trust me Steve. Anything you tell me will stay between the two of us." She placed her hand on top of his, and the gesture was all it took for Steve to let out a small breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.  
"When I stepped out of the machine, right after I had been injected with Erskine's serum, I felt completely different. I didn't feel that I was chasing desperate breaths, or that I could break a bone or collapse a lung with so much as a sneeze. Every illness, every incapacity I had before was gone, and Peggy, she was so beautiful..." He found himself falter at that. He would always love her.  
"I thought maybe I was fixed, maybe I was normal, and not having heated fantasies about my best friend anymore." He almost whispered those words, but Nat just squeezed his hand even tighter then, and he continued, "But when I watched Bucky fall, I felt most of me go with him. I realized too late that I was in love with him."  
Nat leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, then moved to the seat across from him, so she could look him straight in the eye, "What's stopping you now?"  
Steve let out a humorless laugh then, "He has always sacrificed so much for me, Tasha. Always took care of me, it's selfish of me to want more when I'm already just so happy he's back. And he's just, he's still recovering, and I don't want to jeopardize everything with my own stupid emotions. He deserves someone who can take care of him for a change, someone who can make him happy."  
Nat smacked him. Square on the forehead. He looked up, ready to argue, but she beat him to it.  
"No wonder he's always calling you a thick headed punk! Steve, what the hell do you think you mean to him!?"  
He didn't have a response to that.  
"You literally spoke his name and broke through decades of torture and memory loss, and have been so gentle and patient with him as he's recovered, and you are fiercely, terrifyingly protective of him, and JESUS STEVE, have you seen just how happy HE is whenever you're around? You are the one who needs to learn to allow yourself some happiness!!!"  
Steve just sat dumbfounded then.

At the same time, around a billiard table, Barton had just received a text from Nat saying that 'Operation: Saving Private Stucky' was a go. He waited until Barnes had made his shot, and then sauntered over to take his own.  
"So if you had to pick a dude, it would totally be Steve, right?"  
He hesitated to peer over at his friend, but he didn't expect the small smile he found sitting on Bucky's lips.  
"Am I that obvious?"  
"Do you want me to be honest?"  
"Okay, okay. I'm totally gone for that punk." Bucky was wearing a full blown grin now. Clint found it sort of amusing. Barnes had become one of his closest friends when he had been acclimated to the ranks of the Avengers. Not only was he just as well versed in every technical aspect of sniping as he was himself, but he saw so much of himself and Natasha in he and Steve that he couldn't help but feel obligated to help the two breech the barriers they had placed between one another.  
"I remember being untied from that table in Zola's lab. He was standing there, looking at me the way a mother would inspect their child for cuts and bruises, and it just hit me like a truck. I was in love with that idiot. I would have payed good money to see the look on my face." Bucky dropped his head and held a shy grin.  
"Why don't you tell him?" Clint was determined to reach a breakthrough.  
Bucky's look completely changed then, he wore an expression more fitting of his time as The Winter Soldier, and began to speak, "Are you kidding me!? He should be with someone who isn't a fucked up mess. He's too good, Clint. So damn good. It makes me want to scream. He's so patient and supportive. I don't even deserve him in the capacity I have him now!"  
By now, Bucky had lost all the fire in his voice and was almost pleading.  
Clint clapped him on the shoulder, "I think you're blinding yourself to what's right in front of you my friend."  
That was apparently all the more they were meant to speak in the matter, because they all suddenly received a text from Sam that read:

"I'm above. We're about to come over the ravine. Only two men on top. Don't know where the rest are."

Clint and Bucky immediately made their way back to Nat and Steve. None of them had time to say anything however, because the train suddenly came to a screeching stop, and the power was completely cut off. Clint felt a sudden pain in his shoulder, and turned around just in time to see one of the passengers, who had removed their jacket, now revealing a Hydra tattoo, about to throw a second dagger. He never had the chance however, as Bucky had one between his eyes in a heartbeat. Three other men suddenly jumped up from their seats, and in seconds were closing in on the four friends. They threw flash grenades on the floor, and in the confusion managed to escape the car.

Sam suddenly radioed in, "I took out the two goons up here, but two more are heading for the conductor, I think they want to go big with this one. Maybe make an example by blowing up five members of the Earth's Mightiest Heroes."  
Steve surveyed the room, and as soon as he saw no innocents were injured he immediately took command, "Nat, you and Clint go intercept the three headed for are fake cargo, Bucky and I are going after the other two."  
She promptly began moving with Clint right behind, "Be careful! These men working with Hydra just made everything ten times more dangerous!"

Steve took off with Bucky right in toe, and they quickly caught up with the two men who were trying to reach the front of the train. Steve picked up his pace and leapt over the heads of the two men, just as Bucky came up behind them. He kicked the first in the gut, and he stumbled backward just enough that Bucky could give the k.o. hit. The second man ducked beneath Bucky's roundhouse kick, and nailed him in the chest as he jumped back to his feet. Bucky was caught off guard long enough that he didn't see the man already coming at him again until another kick landed square on his jaw. Steve moved forward to engage the man and threw a punch for the back of his head, but the man caught Steve's arm at the last minute and threw him into the wall.  
The man slowly removed his mask, and Steve immediately recognized his face as the man he had battled on Fury's faux mission from the year before. He began to speak with a very heavy French accent, "Captain America! You up for another round!?"  
"What the Hell are you doing here!?"  
"You disgraced my honor during our last encounter, now it's my turn. Hydra needed help getting on this train, so we helped each other out. Are you ready to face your defeat?"  
Steve wasn't given a chance to respond however, because Bucky had already engaged Batroc.  
"Where the hell do you meet these people, Stevie!?" He said, just as he back flipped to avoid a strike from the man. Steve then jumped up to aid his best friend. It was an amazing scene to behold. They were fighting in perfect tandem, as they had when they were kids, and later as fellow commandos. Batroc got in a lucky hit on both of them simultaneously, placing a kick on both of their chests, sending them flying towards adjacent walls. Suddenly, Steve felt a sharp pain in his shoulder and right leg, and looked to see Batroc kick Bucky once again in the jaw before leaping out of the car. Steve only then registered the fact that he had just been shot twice, and looked over to see that the other man had awaken and removed his mask.  
"Rollins!!!" He looked on in horror as the Hydra operative tasered Bucky, but held him up, only to look in his eyes and say, "The radio transmission we sent your way must have worked. I'm so glad you took the bait. You're my mission now, asset." He then let Bucky fall to the floor as he held a small button in his hand, and in one swift motion set off a series of explosions, the last of which blew apart the front of their car immediately. Steve got to his feet, but Rollins kicked him in his knee cap and he fell to the floor once again. He saw Bucky stand to his feet, and in a very calculated movement, had a knife lodged in their attacker's back. Everything seemed to move in slow motion then. Bucky was caught completely off guard, as Rollins turned and pushed him with such force, that he staggered backward, and Steve was on his feet in an instant, as Rollins fell lifeless to the floor, he had mere seconds to think before he watched as Bucky lost his footing and began to fall backwards out of the train. Steve's heart stopped. 'NOT AGAIN!!!' he heard a voice in his head scream, and without any hesitation, he launched himself out the side of the train as well. He let his body propel him forward and he caught Bucky very quickly, and turned them around midair so that he would receive the blunt of the impact, but it never came, as Sam came swooping in and catching on to them both. He slowly lowered them all to the ground, and as soon as they were firmly set, Steve began to stagger from blood loss as Bucky barked out orders to Sam.  
"He was shot. One in the shoulder and one in the leg. Help me get him out of here."  
Sam placed an arm around him, and Bucky immediately slotted in on the opposite side.  
Sam lightly added, "On your left."

Later that day, he was awakened in an examination room at one of Shield's outposts along the Swedish border. He had been put under while the bullets were removed while Nat and Clint took the prisoners, including the leaping bastard to holding cells. He now was almost completely healed, and Bucky had not left his side once. He finally managed to sit up, and Bucky jumped up and started inspecting him.  
"You are so God damn stupid, Steve. So completely fucking stupid. That was by far the dumbest thing you've ever done. Sam was right there, he would have caught me, instead you try and get yourself killed by jumping out of a damn train after me, what an absolute ass you are." Steve was feeling so many emotions in that moment. Bucky had a stream of tears running down his face as he lectured Steve and re-wrapped his bandages.  
"I'm going to get you something to eat. If you move your stupid ass out of this bed while I'm gone I swear to God I will kill you. Fucking punk."  
Steve watched Bucky exit the room just as Nat walked in.  
"I'm not going to preach a sermon, don't worry." She spoke softly and came right over to stand in front of him. She placed a soft kiss on his forehead, "That was actually super romantic, in a fucked up, only really makes sense with the two of you kind of way."  
"I couldn't do it, Tasha. I wasn't going to lose him again."  
"I know, Steve."  
They sat in silence for a few moments, before she added, "I was terrified when I realized."  
"Realized what?" He looked over at her and willed her to respond.  
She stood and began to exit, before turning around and looking back at him.  
"When I realized I was in love with my best friend. He had already sacrificed so much for me. All my worry went away when he proposed though."  
She gave Steve one final small smirk before exiting the room.  
A few moments later, Bucky came back into the room, and handed Steve a sandwich.  
"Eat." He then sat right next to Steve.  
Steve sat the sandwich beside him, and turned to look at Bucky.  
"You eat that damn sandwich, Rogers, before I.."  
"Buck. Please. Let me speak."  
Bucky gave him an indignant look, but he always did what Steve asked, so he pursed his lips.  
"I am an idiot. I'm a dumb, brash, careless punk. I'm also certain that given the chance I would do that again."  
Bucky made a move as if to argue, but Steve didn't let him.  
"I can't lose you. I can't." He was staring directly at Bucky then.  
"I crashed a damn plane into the ocean the last time I lost you, Buck. Don't make me do it again."  
Bucky had tears in his eyes again, and Steve felt his own threaten to fall, but continued to speak.  
"I love you, Bucky Barnes. I've loved you since I was twelve years old, and whether you like it or not, I'm always going to be a wreckless little shit when it comes to you."  
Bucky let out a beautiful laugh at that.  
He then crashed his lips onto Steve's, and everything finally clicked for them both. This was worth waiting a lifetime for.  
"I've been waiting seventy years to hear you say that. God, Stevie. I love you so much!"

************

Bucky woke to the smell of waffles, bacon, and eggs. He entered the kitchen and found Steve sitting at the bar stools with both plates already set out.  
"Morning, Buck."  
"Good morning, sugar."  
He kissed Steve's temple and sat beside him as they ate the meal together. Steve got up to put his dishes in the sink, and a minute later, Bucky turned to do the same, but stopped dead in his tracks when he turned to find Steve on one knee.  
"I got these back from the Smithsonian a few days ago. It's our dog tags from the war, they seemed more fitting than rings....."  
Steve stopped rambling and looked directly into his best friend's eyes then, "Even when I had nothing else in this world I had you Buck. You're my best friend and my home and the love of my life. So, James Buchanan Barnes, can I have you until the end of the line?"  
As effortlessly as breath, Bucky looked into Steve's eyes and said, "You always have, Stevie."  
Steve picked Bucky up in his arms, and they were both laughing and crying and clinging to one another with everything they had. Steve placed his tags around Bucky's neck, and let Bucky place the ones bearing his name around Steve's, and then he placed a soft kiss on his lips. Some bubbly pop song from the fifties came on the radio, and Steve looked at Bucky then,  
"Can I have this dance?"  
"Took you long enough!" Bucky laughed.  
"Finally found the right partner."  
Steve whispered in Bucky's ear and pulled him close.


End file.
